Recession Forces Denny’s to Open 300 New Restaurants

With the current recession in full swing, most Americans are forsaking all luxury spending, including the Lucullan indulgence of fancy restaurants like "California Pizza Kitchen" and "Olive Garden." Instead, the cash-strapped citizenry is turning in record numbers to more cost-effective forms of high-fat, non-nutritive dining, and that means lines around the block for Denny's, home of the 7,000 calorie omelet. According to a source at Denny's, the sudden demand has forced management to green light the immediate construction of 300 new restaurants. "People are really struggling right now and cannot afford three squares like they used to," he added. "We at Denny's consider it our patriotic duty to pitch in by building enough restaurants so that every man, woman, and child in this country has access to meals that takes several days to digest. Plus, we'll be hiring all those laid-off Circuit City employees. It's a win-win."